Sisterhood of the Useless Degrees

Dear Pregnant Celebrities…

Posted on: July 1, 2008


Could you please hold off on announcing your pending new arrival until you’re starting to show? This is what normal expectant mothers tend to do. Aside from announcements to close family and friends, they like holding off on telling the general public that they’re expecting until the end of the first trimester or so.

See, if you wait three months, then we don’t have to spend a whole nine inundated with pictures of you buying really big frozen cappuccinos while some toolish journalist speculates on the possible effects of your caffeine intact on your unborn child.

It also means that, by the time you start showing, we aren’t already so sick of the “countdown to Baby Whatever” that we involuntarily gag whenever we see your Baby Bump.

To be fair, nine months really isn’t all that long a time for the lay-expectant mother. And under normal circumstances, it’s pretty easy to abide our pregnant friends’ blow-by-blow details and multiple sonogram pics.

But in Celeb Time, nine months is the equivalent of two years. And if you tell us within a week of you finding out yourself, when you’re seven months along, all we’ll be able to say is, “Ugh! She’s still pregnant???” and “HAVE THAT BABY ALREADY, YOU PAPARAZZI-BAITING HEIFER!”

Or, you know. Something along those lines.

We’re already there with these two:



This is just a general, preemptive request. We don’t want to have to get sick of the rest of you. And you know who you are.

Thanks for understanding.


P.S. Nothing is worse than being coy with the press about who the father is. So please don’t take your cues from Minnie Driver.

1 Response to "Dear Pregnant Celebrities…"

“Nothing is worse than being coy with the press about who the father is. So please don’t take your cues from Minnie Driver.”

LOL! Word.

Speaking of which, it feels like Minnie’s been pregnant forEVER (at *least* a year) and just never had the kid.

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