Sisterhood of the Useless Degrees

Archive for the ‘Celebrity Career Diagnosis’ Category

Because a Celebrity Career Diagnosis was long, long overdue, feministdonut and I teamed up to take on one of all-time favorite nearly 40-year-old actresses whose development seems tragically arrested at post-adolescence.

feministdonut: Winona…Whatever happened to her?

slb: Kleptomania.

fd: lol

slb: Is she ever gonna look old enough to start playing moms? Because that’s the only way I can see her getting hired these days. She’s over forty, isn’t she?

fd: That’s very true. Wait… she’s over 40??? Maybe she’s still late 30s….

slb: I’m looking it up. She’ll be 38 in october. I thought she was Johnny Depp’s age.

fd: Wow.

slb: … or Keanu’s age or something. Didn’t they all come out around the same time?

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SLB: Okay. What happened to Christina Ricci? She was so cute in Mermaids!

Feministdonut: And awesome in The Addams Family.

SLB: And let the records show that her hair back then was almost blonde… not this jet black monstrosity of a hair hue she’s been rockin’ for the last decade. She’s not Wednesday! Or, Winona Ryder…

Now, I don’t want to touch on Christina’s weight…

FD: I do.

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From time to time, throughout our tragically underemployed days, we find a few minutes (or hours) to ponder things that don’t really matter to other people. Oh, sure. Everyone wonders whatever happened to someone they used to see on TV or in a film or on the radio when years have passed and that person’s career has become a non-entity. But does anyone go several steps further and try to figure out how to get that C-lister or one-hit wonder back on the right track?

Don’t worry. We’re here to do it for you. Feministdonut and SLB: spending their time frivolously so you don’t have to.

Upon seeing Clueless “star” Brittany Murphy on People.com today, we traveled down the following road, looking for the poor girl’s answer to recovery:

SLB: Okay, see… Brittany Murphy? That’s a problem.

Feministdonut: Wow. She looks really baaaaad.

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